


Going Out To Eat

by annabelle_leigh, TheMouthKing



Series: Internetainment With A Vampire [2]
Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: I use eating very broadly, M/M, No Smut, So There's That?, arguing about who to eat, blep, discussion about eating/killing people, going out to eat, i know vampires drink blood, old married vampires, once upon a time I took a class called gothic theory, prepare for this to go places, sort of gen but murdery so idk even what to say to you all, spoiler alert i guess, that last tag was a spoiler, who even reads these tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 10:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11251374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabelle_leigh/pseuds/annabelle_leigh, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMouthKing/pseuds/TheMouthKing
Summary: Rhett and Link are vampires. It's no secret they're an old married couple. Tonight, they're hungry and trying to decide who to eat.





	Going Out To Eat

**Author's Note:**

> Giving annabelle_leigh the co-creator credit she deserves for this madness. 
> 
> My plan here is to do vignettes of scenes with vampire Rhett and Link until I work up to a longer, fuller chapter. I hope people dig these things, because they amuse the heck out of me. Plus they're fun and easy and get the earworms out of my head.

"Who do you wanna eat?" Rhett asks, leaning in close enough that Link can hear him in the crowded bar.

"I dunno... you pick," Link’s a little anxious. They’re not sure how they’re gonna play it till they see the guy (or gal). He doesn’t know if he’s gonna have to head out and turn on the charm, or if Rhett’s going to go out and herd the person off somewhere secluded. Not knowing the plan makes him uneasy, and when that happens he likes to step back and get Rhett to help with the decisions. 

"How about him."

“Who?”

“That guy over there at the end of the bar.”

"Ew, no, he's eating hot wings. He's gonna taste nasty.”

Link may not want to do the picking, but he sure is picky. 

"Fine,” the exasperation is coming off Rhett in waves. This is a road they’ve been down before, over and over for centuries. “How about her?"

"I dunno about her..."

“What’s wrong with her?”

"She's wearing uggs. I'm not in the mood for pumpkin spice."

“Then why don’t you pick,” Rhett all but throws his hands up in the air and gives up. He’s never met a pickier eater in his whole goddamn _afterlife_. The man would be literally wasting away and he’d pass by an easy target just because he smelled ‘wrong.’ Whatever that means. 

"I'm fine with whoever. Just pick someone."

"Clearly, you’re _not_. I've picked two people already and you vetoed them both."

“Just because I didn’t wanna eat Hot Wing Challenge over there or Ugg Barbie?”

“Yes. Look at her. She’s not even drinking, she’s probably vegan… it’d be ‘healthy,’” he quips, pleased with himself for the joke. 

“That’s not how it works, dude.”

“Oh, now you’re telling me how it works? Who’s been turned longer, me or you?”

There’s silence as Link just scoffs, chin raised, indignant. 

“Thought so.”

More silence. Link doesn’t like to be reminded that he’s the loser at something. Even in their afterlife, they’re wildly competitive. 

“Listen dude, I'm starving. STARVING. You clearly have an opinion. Please just pick someone so we can eat and go home.”

“I’m really fine with whoever you pick.”

“Except that dude and that chick.”

“Yeah.”

“What about him. Yellow shirt, nine o’clock.”

Link looks to his left, at his nine, and makes a face which Rhett interprets immediately and without a single word. 

“I swear to god…”

“...he just looks Italian is all.”

“...if this is about _fucking_ tomatoes…” Rhett carries on with his rant as though Link hasn’t said anything at all. 

“Yeah, it’s about tomatoes. I _never_ want Italians, you know that.”

“My God, if we left the hunting up to you, we’d waste away to nothing.”

“I can’t believe you’re bringing that up _now_.”

“LISTEN, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH WHO I PICK BECAUSE I’M LITERALLY GOING TO DIE. AGAIN.” There’s a beat of silence. “Him.”

“No, not him!”

“I'm gonna strangle you.”

“...I'm gonna like it,” he pushes back with an impish grin, being cute because he knows how to be, and because he knows his timing couldn’t possibly be worse. Rhett’s mad at him, and now he’s going to be struggling to stay that way, and it’s going to be so much harder with Link’s playing to his weakness. (Which is Link.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for liking, commenting and subscribing. 
> 
> You know what time it is.


End file.
